Dexter, my dog
Act I: Yesterday Morning
Me: Do you guys know about the Elf on the Shelf nonsense?
Co-worker: Yeah! It's great!
Me: No, it's not. You get three inches of fabric and a couple of cotton balls stitched together by some sweatshop in Malaysia along with a book and they charge you thirty dollars American for it. That's insane.
Co-worker: But it's cute. And trust me, when you become a parent there is no end of the overpriced stuff you will buy for your child.
Me: I'm not saying I won't. But that doesn't make it right. It's a straight-up racket.
Co-worker: But it's so cute!
Act II: Later That Day
Me: Aw. How cute. My wife just wrote me to pick up steak for Dexter's birthday on Sunday.
Co-Worker: Wait a minute. You're willing to buy steak for your dog but you wouldn't buy the Elf on the Shelf for your kid?
Me: Listen. If I get the Elf on the Shelf, all I get is thirty bucks taken out of my wallet. If I get my dog steak for his birthday, I get steak for his birthday.