Thursday, January 20, 2011

Thanks For Nothing, Dark Recesses Of The Internets!

I made a harrowing discovery a few days ago.

Looking at the statistics for this blog, I noticed that a handful of people had typed in the phrase "crank and rev" to get here.  Odd, I thought; you will sometimes run into the weird search term or phrase that pops up, but to see the same phrase a few times is telling.

Well, when I started this site and named it "Crank Crank Revolution," I probably should have checked to make sure that the name isn't similar to an odd type of fetish. Perhaps I should have paid more attention in college.

 Marketing 101: Don't name your product that can be mistaken for something incredibly creepy.

So: apparently, there is a type of fetish called "crank and rev,"* also known as pumping. I mean, I think. I did a little bit of research, but not too much research, because while knowledge is important and will expand our minds and improve our lives, there are also small bits of knowledge that should forever be stored in the dark corner of the basement closet never to be seen by anyone, anywhere, at any time in their lives. This is one of those bits.

Anyway, this particular fetish involves watching the feet of women pump the gas and flood the engine of a vehicle. That's, um, it. There's nothing NSFW work about it, since all you see is a foot and a gas pedal. (The audio may be more risque--I didn't have the heart to listen all that closely.) I guess some people enjoy that sort of thing. A lot. Enough to post thousands of videos on YouTube.

There are some things I just will never under--OH NOW I GET IT

Of course, weird things like this tend to happen--such as the disproportionate number of Latvians that visit this site. (I guess I have the Latvian pumper demographic all locked up.) On my old blog, American Lament, I noticed that after my column about P.G. Wodehouse, I got an alarming number of queries for Jeeves/Wooster Slash.** This was enough to make me take a ninety minute Silkwood shower.

Thanks a lot, Internet. How you go to sleep every night is beyond me.

*Yes, I am perfectly aware of the irony of the fact that having the phrase "crank and rev" in my blog will actually increase the number of people who search that term and get my site.
**If you don't know who Jeeves and Wooster are, or what slash is, shame on you for the former, and thank goodness for the latter.

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