Thursday, February 24, 2011

Important Consumer Alert! Presenting: Energy Bills

Here at Crank Crank Revolution, we are nothing if not consumer advocates. We're always looking out for the common man, and any tips, aid, and help we can provide our readers we will be glad to pass it on.

I made today's post a high alert one because today I found out how the power companies determine your bill each month.

 I do believe this is the mail sorting facility.

Now, I can vouch for the accuracy of this method. It has been painstakingly been researched over the course of the last twenty minutes, less the ten minutes I spent watching my dog chew a hole through his blanket and wear it like a dress. But after all of my hard work, I freely give it to you, dear reader, so that you may make better decisions and become better consumers.

Here is what the electric company does:
1) The electric company chooses a random number.
2) They then choose a second random number.
3) They multiply these two numbers together. Alternately, they may divide them.
4) They print this on a bill and send it to you.

That's it! It quite simply, really, and I'm surprised they don't teach it in our schools. The common misconception is that it is somehow tied to the actual amount of energy you use in your home. I have no idea how this rumor got started, but I will be writing Snopes shortly to have it properly debunked.

Now, I'm still working on the gas bill. So far, it seems their formula is a basic two-phase algorithm, which, roughly speaking, is called "Summer" and "Prison Rape." I will keep y'all posted!

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