Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Words With Fiends: Juggernaut

Editor's Note: This is a new blog experiment where various people have sent me random words, and I will try and write a halfway coherent blog about it each day this week. Today's word is: Juggernaut.

Nothing is as impressive as a force that cannot be stopped. The juggernaut is a symbol of either merciless ambition or blinding stupidity, things I impress upon everyone I meet that those are not mutually exclusive.

The unstoppable force of the juggernaut can be found in many places:
  • The unstoppable desire for middle-aged men to send pictures of their manparts to apparently anyone with an email address or Twitter account
  • The ability of Macfans to spent wildly exaggerated amounts of money for anything Steve Jobs touches
  • The appearance of yet another creepy game about collecting random shit like rocks or power tools on Facebook to clog up your news feed
  • The capacity for noise that my bag of pita chips makes when I try to secretly open it during work, as opposed to the whimper it makes any other time
  • The tenacity of LeBron James to...uh, never mind.
  • My ability to turn pretty much any sentence my wife says into something perverted, much to her delight or embarrassment (I have yet to figure out which). 
  • The number of emails I get from Amazon each week telling me I might want to buy books similar to things I am not interested in but bought six years ago for other people as gifts.
  • The denial of people who have waited 15 years for Duke Nukem Forever to be released just to realize it kinda blows
  • The determination required for the 85 year old woman at the department store to leave her cart perpendicular to the aisle and talk to someone about what someone else wore to church six weeks ago for a half hour right in front of the product you needed to purchase an hour ago.
  • The amount of time people will devote to professional wrestling. I mean, really?
Beware those who challenge the authority of the juggernaut, for you will be laid to waste in a pool of your own self-doubt and inadequacy. The best way to cope is to make a juggernaut of your own that you can obnoxiously impose on others and make yourself feel better at night.

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