New York Allows Gay Marriage: +2 Finally, New York can make an honest man out of New Jersey.
NBA Lockout: -2 Someone should probably notify Portland, Memphis, and Minneapolis that this will, in fact, affect them.
Geithner Leaving Treasury (Perhaps) -4 He's either going to Pittsburgh, Detroit, or Montreal. (Editor's Note: Or, apparently, Philadelphia.)
Timberlake Buys MySpace:-3 He did this after watching Rupert Murdoch's YouTube video "MySpace in a Box." Pretty much the same concept.
"American Girl" -4: Tom Petty has asked ("asked" as in "sent a cease and desist order") presidential candidate and Tea Party favorite Michelle Bachmann to stop playing his music at campaign rallies. If only classic rock stations would get a copy of those letters as well.
Glenn Beck's Last Show: +2 Don't feel too bad for Beck. He'll spend the next decade locked in a bunker surrounded by chalkboards, gold coins, and embarrassingly large unsold back issues of Fusion magazine. He will never be happier.
Chris Hansen Gets Caught: -5 Rommel, you magnificent bastard!
Google+: +3 Great, now do I have to create an entirely new circle of friends to not want to talk to since high school? It's getting easier and easier to just talk to my friends.
Violent Video Games: +4: California courts have declared that banning video games for young people is unconstitutional--you know, because California doesn't have any other problems to worry about. But now father and son can bond over a nice prostitute-killing and meth-procuring session of Grand Theft Auto without all of the guilt of violating the First Amendment.
Transformers: Dark of the Moon: -5 So it's an alternate history where cars are really robots, Chernobyl and the moon landing were part of a conspiracy to secure advanced technology, and Megan Fox was turned into an overrated diva with limited acting range. OK, so not all of this is alternate history.