Monday, September 26, 2011

Faster Than The Speed Of Light

Recently, scientists announced that they may have discovered particles moving faster than the speed of light--an impossibility per Einstein's theory of relativity, at least up to now.  While it still has to be independently confirmed (and presumably replicated), it still appears to be a major breakthrough in theoretical science.

Of course, this isn't the first time the light speed barrier has been broken. Here is a list of things that as far as I know have already been declared faster than light:

  • The time between when you buy an iPad and when Apple comes out with a better version of the iPad
  • Ryan Reynold's agent running out the door after The Green Lantern
  • The time before Terra Nova--or any other reasonably high-quality drama on television--gets cancelled to make room for Real Vegas Mechanics Kitchen Challenge*
  • Ron Paul's decreased chances of winning the Presidency if gold goes below $1200 an ounce.
  • How fast Solyndra spent the "loan" money gift-wrapped for them
  • Facebook changing its layout after its previous, privacy-compromising layout change
  • How quickly people complain about said Facebook change
  • The time between someone inventing planking and the time in which it is the stupidest thing ever
  • Subscribers cancelling Netflix--I mean, Quikster.
  • The time between when you first meet a new mother and the time she wants to tell you about their child's bowel movements in graphic detail
  • Rick Perry, if someone tells him there is lost treasure to find, Injuns to attack, or a minority to execute
  • The time before all scientists, rather than admit that they were wrong, declare this is what they meant all along in the first place
I am sure that scientists will find more practical use out of their new discovery than any of this stuff has.

*I would still probably watch this.

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