Sunday, November 13, 2011

Investigative Reports: Five Things Horribly Wrong With "A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving"

My wife and I watched A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving last night. It is deservedly a classic, but while watching it last night I found some major issues with the plotline. I determined that this required a full investigation.

It's The Special Prosecutor, Charlie Brown!

1. Sally complains about not getting any Halloween candy, yet as we all know from It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown! we know that Sally didn't get any Halloween candy because she was in the pumpkin patch. Lucy got candy for Linus, but Charlie Brown could only share his rocks with his sister. Even if someone was kind enough to share, it certainly wouldn't be enough to last more than a day or so.
2. When Snoopy wakes up Woodstock and he get trapped behind the bicycle wheel, he can't just walk around the bike? And, somehow, the solution is spinning the wheel, which somehow makes easier to walk through? This is the bird we're entrusting dinner with?
3. After it is clear that not many kids will be eating the popcorn--and there is still clearly uneaten popcorn on the table on every plate--Snoopy insists on popping more, to the extent of setting up the grill outside to do so.
4. So, when the kids need a meal, the best Charlie Brown and Linus can come up with is toast and pretzel sticks. Snoopy steps in like a champ and helps out, to disastrous and embarrassing results. And yet at the end of the show, Snoopy whips up a full-on turkey dinner with all the dressings within a matter of seconds. He couldn't help a brother out earlier? What a dick.
5. And then Woodstock happily chows down on a slice of turkey. HIS OWN KIND.

There are some other questionable actions taken by the characters. For example, Snoopy is clearly preparing something for the meal that requires a simmering pot and a spoon. And yet there is nothing served during the meal that would require this. No soups, no sauces. I suppose that it could have been hot butter for the popcorn, but I don't think that was the culinary style of the times--I assumed pats of butter directly on piping hot popcorn would make more sense. But then again, none of this makes sense.

So this begs some unanswered questions:
1. Peppermint Patty's father was "unexpectedly called out of town" on Thanksgiving Day. It is probably career-related; a family emergency would not have left Peppermint Patty and alone to hang out with friends. What job could her father have that would require an emergency call out of town?
2. Woodstock gets the wishbone wish, but it is never stated what he wishes for, but looks knowingly at the screen. What nefarious scheme could he have cooked up in his head?
3. Lucy Van Pelt was conspicuously absent from the episode after the opening despite the fact that her brother was available. And this is after declaring that "some traditions just fade away." What did she know and when did she know it?

These children are up to something suspicious. In addition, the cartoon that accompanied this cartoon,  The Mayflower Voyagers, involves adults who actually talk and aren't simply muted trombones. I smell foul play. Homeland Security should probably get involved at this point.

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