Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Last Minute Valentine's Day Gifts

Hey, guys, are you looking for some last-minute Valentines day gifts? No problem! Here's a simple list of some quick and easy things you can do to make this Valentine's Day something very special for that girl you love:
  • A home-cooked meal always works, especially if you are trying to save money. Just a tip: Spaghetti-O's and Pop Tarts do not count. If you're not sure how to cook, don't throw away the package until you've started the microwave.
  • If you're looking for jewelry, get her that Fjotli's Silver Locket from the Uttering Hills Cave that she's always wanted.
  • If you're Chris Brown, just keep on tryin', brother.
  • When you pick out a card, make sure it's a Valentine's Day card, and not for some random Jewish holiday they just came out with.
  • Million dollar idea: put roses IN chocolate! Then charge three times as much! It's like a printing press of money!
  • That autographed hockey puck of Rocket Richard? Um, maybe that would make a better anniversary gift.
  • If you're going high-tech, get her the new iPhone. Or, alternately, book a plane trip to China and just start stabbing poor Chinese workers
  • Apparently, photographs of Channing Tatum are greatly appreciated. I...I don't get it.
  • Maybe you should like her Facebook status once in a while, is that too much to ask? Especially if it's song lyrics or something vague that can sort of be applied to any situation even though she has something specific in mind. Make sure that "something specific" isn't something bad you've done.
  • JUST SAY YOU LOVE HER AND YOU'LL NEVER LEAVE HER LIKE ALL THE OTHERS [Note: Applicable to Adele only]
  • Lingerie is a good idea. Also, you can try something subtler, like hitting her over the head with a frying pan with the word "SEX" spray-painted on it.
  • Two words: Mexican Wrestling.
  • Still stuck? Just get her some wiper blades or a crate of snow peas or something cheap and random and claim it's an ancient tradition of whatever heritage you come from. And if you don't have one, just claim "gypsies."

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