Monday, June 4, 2012

When Animals Take To The Interstate Highway System!

It's not very often that the animals rise up against us, but it does, in fact occasionally happen. You will hear stories (that always seem to appear in clusters) of pet apes attacking strangers or alligators in Florida crawling up from the sewers and chomping down in unlucky fishermen or crazy people in Ohio unlocking the gates of their personal zoo and letting them rampage throughout the area. The fact that I had to string the phrase "pet ape" together gives you an idea of whose fault this probably is.

So cue the Pig on the Parkway. Earlier this week in my fair city of Pittsburgh, someone's pet pig managed to escape and run along a major highway. Not only did it cause massive traffic delays, but it also provided headline writers with a giftwrapped present. "Porkway Traffic" was a common one, and "traffic ham," as well as allusions to this being the sort of swine that wasn't going to write you a speeding ticket. It was wearing a scarf which, of course, makes everything involved here even awesomer. Sadly, the pig ran into the woods and has yet to resurface. However, he's taken off enough time to become yet another novelty twitter account.

Of course, not even two days later, livestock much closer to my home decided that the local construction zone was a romantic enough place to have some extraordinarily lengthy relations. Again, it caused plenty of traffic delays (as it supposedly was going on for (wait for it) several hours), and it took the local farm officials over 15 minutes to terminate the coupling. Sadly, I haven't been able to figure out what happened to the apparently happy couple, although I am rather alarmed that enough news outlets have been calling for readers to submit any pictures they have of the cow and bull session.

So who knows what is next? Dogs drag racing down the Turnpike? Rhinos hitching a ride down 279? I'm surprised we haven't seen any rogue Penguins around; not like they are doing anything these days.

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