Thursday, March 21, 2013

Attention Hollywood: Ten Can't Miss Movie Ideas

One of the great things about Netflix is that it introduces you to entirely new cultural subsets you normally would not have experienced. Sure, some of these experiences might get classified as "Movies where the royalties are so cheap because they are so bad that Netflix gets them for a song," but I prefer my cultural horizons to be broader and more inclusive.

Anyway, while looking for something to watch, my wife and I discovered that there were an alarming number of movies whose premises simply made no sense. It seems like a movie executive somewhere literally pulled two random concepts out of thin air, melded them together, and cranked out a shitty movie. The first one that caught our attention--Iron Sky, which Wikipedia helpfully notes is a "Finnish-German-Australian comic science fiction action film" about Nazis who escape to the moon after WWII to plan a space fleet reinvasion of Earth--has the out of being a deliberate B-movie. The second movie was Sophie & Sheba, about a--wait for it--young ballerina who gives up her career to save her pet elephant. Obligatory "Of Course!"

Almost immediately, my wife and I declared that if Hollywood could print money using this method, why on earth couldn't we cash in ourselves? So we each took a packet of scrap paper and wrote down several random items--people, places, or concepts--hidden from one another. When we finished, we randomly matched them up and came up with ten surefire box office hits.

Here is what we came up with:

Bill Nye the Science Guy in an English Boarding School
A Mattress Factory located in the Bermuda Triangle
Escapees in a hot air balloon from a Mexican Prison
Jon Hamm Playing A Mentally Challenged Man working in a coffee shop
Argentine Nazis with an Armadillo
A Carpet Store in a Grecian Ghetto
A Senile Old Clockmaker in Scotland
Zombie Margaret Thatcher on an Oil Refinery On The Moon
Dutch Vollyball Players using Invisible Ink
Two Lesbian Hitmen go after Joseph Kony

Can you think of any one of these concepts that couldn't create a blockbuster movie? I certainly can't; I would watch the hell out of any of these plots. Heck, combine a few and you could release this in the summer; get them all together and I think we're talking Best Picture territory.

Attention agents: My email address is to the right.

No comments:

Post a Comment