Thursday, May 30, 2013

Middle-Aged Suburban Guy Horror Stories

I believe I am going to write a series of books called Middle-Aged Suburban Guy Horror Stories. I think it's a great idea, not only because I think it will make boatloads of cash, but it's making a boatload of cash from a target audience ripe for creativity. I've already come up with some awesome titles:
  • Bees In The Attic
  • The Time I Pretended To Know All About That Important Current Event My Co-Workers Are Talking About
  • The Horror Of The The 10oz Packages Of Monterey Jack Cheese That Are On Sale But Only At The Grocery Store All The Way Across Town
  • The Tale Of Not Wanting To Stay Up To Watch A Stupid Thursday Night Game
  • Why Is This Radio Station Telling Me That Soundgarden Is Classic Rock?
  • So Help Me I Forgot To Mail The Mail Again
  • There Is A Zoning Meeting Next Week And I Think They're Turning The Old Dunkin Donuts Into A Tattoo Parlor. We Should Go.
  • I Think That Stinkbug Went Down The Drain But I'm Not Sure
  • Time To Paint The Porch A Slightly Different Shade Of Red
  • I Wish That Wing Place Was Still Open
  • Not That One, The Other One. The One That Had That Awesome Garlic Butter Dip And The Busboy With The Lazy Eye
  • We Can Wait For The Redbox
  • The Time I Couldn't Find Out Which Way To Turn The Key To Unlock The Front Door Even Though I've Been Doing It For Ten Freaking Years
  • Guiltily Buying Another Subscription Of US News &World Report From That School Kid For His Stupid Fundraiser Even Though They Stopped Publishing It Three Years Ago
  • This Shirt Is Good Enough For Applebee's
  • The Sad Account Of The Hamburger That Was Too Fat To Cook Evenly But Not Fat Enough To Not Fall Through The Grill
  • A Storm Is A-Comin' On Mow Day
  • I Remember When The Mom On That Show Was Really Hot
  • I Am 80% Certain The House On The End Of The Block Sells Dope
  • Diary Of What That Kid Really Thinks About While He's Making My Subway Sandwich

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