But maybe it's time to update this literary classic with some fresh eyes. The only lions people see are the drugged-up husks of cats caged up at the local zoo. Tin men are known more as lame Richard Dreyfuss comedies and not for chopping down forests. And I don't think anyone has seen, or needed, a scarecrow since the Great Depression unless crows have suddenly descended on the fortieth-floor laboratories at Monsanto.
So who would be the newest companions of Dorothy's? Here are some pretty good candidates and what they don't have but desperately seek:
- The Bro, who is looking for their Axe Body Spray
- The Geek, who is seeking the Legendary Four-Hour Version Of David Lynch's Dune
- The Cleveland Brown, who is searching for a Quarterback
- The Miley Cyrus, trying to find her Dignity
- The Winter Pittsburgher, looking for Bread and Milk
- The Hipster, who is looking for his Sense of Self-Awareness
- The D-List Celebrity, who is in the hunt for A Basic Cable Reality TV Show
- The Older Version of Judy Garland looking for That Bottle of Pills She Hid From Herself
- The Occupy Wall Streeter, who is trying to find the Irony Of Using An iPad To Protest The Rich
- The Kat Dennings, who is trying to find an Appropriate Vehicle That Doesn't Obliterate Her Soul
- The Liza Minelli on a quest to Lose Her Mother's Shadow
- The Lukewarm Scorsese Fan, who is looking for This Damn Movie To Be Over Already
- The Chris Christie, who is seeking his Chances of Winning the Nomination
- The Blog Reader, trying to find Something Actually Funny On This Post
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