Thursday, March 20, 2014

Quiz Show

Internet memes come and go in cycles, and just when you thought they were gone forever and they were just about to drip out of your memory to make room for new information, they come back again.

So it is now with online quizzes. You know, the things that get plastered all over Facebook and Buzzfeed about "What State Are You?" and "What Musical Instrument Do You Dream About" and that sort of nonsense? I mean, it's fun, in a back-of-a-restaurant-placemat-when-you-were-a-kid sort of way, but the questions are nonsensical and the outcomes never satisfying. I think I took the states quiz and I ended up with Minnesota. I mean, I'll take the cold and the dairy products, but there are too many insufferable suburbs and quiet serial killers to deal with.

Anyway, I remember a decade ago there was some web site that let you create your own quizzes similar to this (this was in primitive times, when Google was still just a search engine and Facebook wasn't a vast wasteland of your high school's horrible political opinions). I wish I could remember the subject matter of it (knowing me it was either about dinosaurs or Presidents), but all I remember is that you had the ability for there to be 32 different outcomes and all you needed was 256 outputs and I spent way too much of my life actually graphing these 256 outputs. I never ended up finishing the quiz, which is probably for the best.

Anyway, I was wondering what sort of quizzes I'd like to see made today.

  • What Obscure Olympic Sport Are You?
  • Which Flight 370 Conspiracy Is Your Uncle Going To Bring Up At Easter?
  • Which Celebrity Do You Take Your Medical Advice From?
  • What Cast Member Of Breaking Bad Are You, And Will You Still Share The Result On Facebook When It Turns Out You're Skyler?
  • What Episode Of Cosmos Are You Going To Claim You Saw When You Were Really Watching Wife Swap?
  • Which Pretentious Instagram Filter Are You?
  • What Candy Flavor Are You (Hint: The Answer Is Going To Be Anise And That's Going To Piss You Off)
  • What Expensive Item That You Will Immediately Regret Purchasing Matches The Personality Of Your Spouse?
  • What Piece Of IKEA Furniture Are You?
  • In What Honorable Way Would You Like To Be Put To Death In The Inevitable Russian Invasion By Vladimir Putin?
  • What Month Of The Year Are You Finally Going To Admit That You Haven't Seen 12 Years A Slave?
  • What Philip K. Dick Character Do You So Desperately Hope You Aren't?
  • Which Current Foreign Entanglement Are You Going To Pretend You Know Exists But Really Just Found Out About It Right Now?
  • What Classic Piece Of Literature That You've Never Read And Won't Understand The Answer Of Are You?
  • What Meaningless Internet Quiz Do You Not Want To Take But Everyone Else Has So You Feel A Social Obligation To Do So?

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