A Bar Like No Other

You guys know me and weird candy--we go together like...well, take your pick, I guess. And leave it to CNN to have an article devoted to candy you can no longer purchase but I want most of them right now.

For those who don't want to look at an ad-revenue-generating slideshow list, here's the list they have:

• Bar None
• Beech-nut Gum
• Bonkers
• Butterfinger BBs
• Choco'Lite
• Marathon
• PB Max
• Powerhouse
• Reggie Bar
• Space Dust
• Wonder Ball

Of this list, I've had six, possibly seven. However, I'll claim that they cheated a bit on this list: having "promo" style candy like the Reggie Bar shouldn't count, since those rarely, if ever, are expected to last more than a season or two. (It's actually doubly cheating, since according to the article the Bun candy bar is effectively the same thing, and that is still being sold.) And I'll say that listing Butterfinger BBs is also a cop-out; they're just Butterfingers in a different format, and there's dozens, if not hundreds, of variations like that of other candies.

I mostly miss Bar None and PB Max. I recall those being very, very good, and for a while the Bar None was my candy of choice above all others. I remember Bonkers being effectively the same as a Starburst (only 1000% times more obnoxious, not that that stopped me), and I remember actively disliking the vaunted Powerhouse bar. Same with Beech-nut Gum; I remember they re-released it for a limited time and I bought it just to say I had it, and it was kinda gross. I think I've eaten a Wonder Ball, but I'm not positive. It looks familiar but I probably had some weird dollar-store knockoff.

I've actually written before about old candy that I miss. Specifically, I remember enjoying the Summit candy bar to the point of bellyaches as well as the Hershey Desert Bar--supposedly manufactured for the army during Desert Storm, which they overproduced since that war lasted approximately twenty minutes and so they sold the overstock. It was designed to not melt. My grade-school experiments discovered that this was a tenuous claim at best. I also sort of miss the Wonka Bar, which I believe is still available (it's basically a chocolate bar with graham cracker bits in it) but it's so hard to find as to effectively be gone.

I strongly suspect in the coming years, the market will figure this all out: increased efficiency in production and logistics + niche internet marketing + nostalgia filters = weird and obscure foods coming back and/or getting nationwide distribution. One of these days I'll be drinking a Moxie with my Pita Stuffs.