Wednesday, May 18, 2016

If Dogs Could Talk

Our long national nightmare is over: we may finally understand what our dogs are trying to tell us.

According to the article, a device has been developed in the form of a vest that will read the physical queues that your dog is making, and then translate that into English.

Sadly, it appears that this vest mostly is just a training translation--that is, a dog who wants to tell you what sort of explosives have been found will use one of a few memorized tricks to identify each one. That's useful, of course, but not what I was originally expecting, which is the wholly unfeasible device that will actually tell me what my dogs are thinking.

Of course, I don't really think I need a device for that. The sentiments that my dogs express are in a fairly limited range:

Dexter:
"Is it time for food yet?"
"I don't want to go downstairs. I want to sleep in your bed all day."
"I SAID I DON'T WANT TO GO DOWNSTAIRS!"
"Oh, there's food downstairs? Maybe."
"Only one bowl of food? I'm totally not going downstairs tomorrow." (Spoiler alert: He does.)

Chloe:
"THERE IS SOMEONE AT THE DOOR! THERE IS SOMEONE AT THE DOOR!"
"THERE IS NOT SOMEONE AT THE DOOR! THERE IS NOT SOMEONE AT THE DOOR!"
"There is a CAT in the house! My word! I'd better chase it out!"
"Wait, hasn't a cat been here for six years? No matter!" (Spoiler alert: there has)
 "I think I'll not eat my food for three days straight and then eat three bowls at once and bark until you give me all three bowls. Also, I will choose to do this at 3:30 in the morning."

Maybe there is something to this technology after all.

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